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Amazing Weekend Update Bits...

“Next month, a flawless $10 million diamond the soze of a walnut will go on auction at sotherby’s. And just in time, because Kobe Bryant’s wife has a birthday coming up. 

Speaking of which, the preliminary hearing in Kobe Bryant’s rape trial turned ugly on Thursday, when Pamela Mackey, Bryant’s lawyer, “accidentally” said his accuser’s name in court, violating Colorado privacy laws. And, after being admonished by the judge, Mackey went on to repeat the woman’s name five times, which is really bad. Because what lawyer Pamela Mackey did by mentioning the woman’s name, is to put her at risk of further harassment. A lawyer, like Pamela Mackey, of the Colorado firm Haddon, Morgan, Mueller, George, Mackey & Foreman - which is probably in the 303 area code - should know that people can go on the internet and look up any name, like Joe Smith, or, I don’t know - Pamela Mackey - and learn everything about them, and call them and mess with them, and stuff! So, be more careful, lawyer Pamela Mackey, because I heard a rumor that you’re a little unstable, and you like to give wobble jobs to homeless guys! And, I want you to focus up and win this trial. I’m Pamela Mackey - back toyou, Pamela Mackey! “

-Tina Fey